And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
