Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
