You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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