My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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