I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
