He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
