God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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