It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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