She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My ass is underappreciated
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
