He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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