I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
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It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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