The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize