Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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