So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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