Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
