One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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