Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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