I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
