The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's shark week go big or go home
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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