Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
