mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize