i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't turn off my feet"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
