Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize