someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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