im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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