I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
