Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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