I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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