Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
