I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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