I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
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He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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