Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
