Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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