The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
