next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
