listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
