can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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