dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
