aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
