for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
