Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
