I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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