I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There r osticjed everywhere
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
