My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
