So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
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Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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