I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
