Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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