scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
