At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I didn't shave. On purpose
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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