i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
