I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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