I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
