Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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