I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
