So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
