fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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