THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
