i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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