Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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