Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
