Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
