i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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