I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
